a letter to my son

to see our family holiday photos click here

liam 

you are 16 months old today. i sit here at my uploading photos of our lives in

 november/december 2008. right now you are in the 95th percentile for weight & height. you wear 2 toddler clothes. you have 12 teeth & are working on another 4 (your canines, which have been causing you lots of pain & grief). your hair is very blonde & very whispy. you are sleeping 11-12 hours at night mostly uninterrupted. you can say "dog, dad, mom, door, up, down, ta (that), more, ba (bottle), apple" but your favorite word is still "no" while you emphatically shake your little head back & forth. you threw out "yes" the other day but i haven't heard it again since. you walk like a champ. you run, stubble & fall. you shriek with laughter. you love your new cell phone from aunty bex. you color at your desk. everything is exciting. 

you are my whole world. 

here are some of your firsts:

first time playing the piano

first time using a candle snuffer as a metal nose

first snowy hug from grandpa

first christmas eve church service

first time wearing the dinosaur PJ's given by andrea/jim

the first meatloaf made by mom

your first taste (you ate it all)

your first 'dora the explorer' video (given by my boss shannon)

16 months

um liam is almost 16 months old. when did this happen? everyone that sees him after an extended absence makes the same comment "he looks just like a little man" and the weird thing is, he really does. slap a suit, some glasses and hand that toddler a briefcase and he looks ready to prosecute in court. its eeery. 

anyway he's with his dad this week and i'm missing him lots after our extended christmas love-in. friday can't come soon enough. 

vacation styles

ah vacations. i slept in until 10:30ish this morning which must be some kind of record for me. since having a kid i haven't been able to sleep in past 8 - this is a milestone people

no workie workie for me until next monday the 5th. sort of. i'm still checking work email every day & checking merx & distributing opps but i'm not technically "working" even though i am technically "getting paid". this is where my love for my job shines through. job, i love you. my love for you is steadfast & unholy & a bit pervy. you are hot. 

my sister was supposed to move today but the dude from her new place (who was supposed to move on the weekend) didn't move. wtf? didn't move. she even booked a truck & set up appointments & got people to come help her (ie. me & my friend & some of her friends) so this is a bummer for her but NOT FOR ME. my sister ROCKS & i want to keep her here living with me forever. its so much fun having her around & cooking with her because she eats the same thing Liam eats which is aces convenient.

speaking of cooking, last night we ate some awesome food which is truly lip licking good cooked my our very own professional chef. holla

nye is just around the corner & i've got a smokin hot electric blue tassle dress from H&M - which btw friends is COMING TO HULL in 09. confirmed by the teenage boy in the child department. 

there are a ton of christmas photos which are crying for me to post but i'm off to dry my hair & take a walk with bex the sister to get timmies coffees which - for the love of all that is good - i NEED to function in the morning. mmmm coffee.... 

okay so photos coming soon!!

back again

we made it back after 7 hours & a blizzard & bald tires

too bad i missed my september mommies & old roomie nick. next time buddy!!

for all my stay at home dad's

this one is a little loud, but worth it - enjoy

happy holidays

hey everyone happy holidays! hoping you all have happy days
lets see how much i can say "h" in one sentance

my adorable son picking his ear. isn't he cute?


*raises a glass of cheer*
what?? its after 6pm somewhere :P

family tings

family ting 1:

in church the other day we sang the hymn "twas in the moon of wintertime" and we reached this verse. humor me & read it through one time:

The earliest moon of wintertime
Is not so round and fair
As was the ring of glory on
The helpless Infant there.
The chiefs from far before Him knelt
With gifts of fox and beaver pelt.
Jesus your King is born,
Jesus is born,
In excelsis gloria.

its quiet, everyone is standing, we're in the middle of the song & my dad turns to me completely deadpan & says:

"they don't have beaver in Israel?"

and, no word of a lie, i bust a nut giggling. am so glad the big man did not smote me down.

family ting #2

bex, kimmers & i are in the car. i'm texting so not really paying attention. i hear this exchange:

kim: if i lived in mexico and opened a restauraunt i would call it "corn on the cabo"

bex: you should call it "el corn on los cabo"

family ting #3

gwen the adorable niece is screaming bloody murder (every night starting at 8pm, tickets on sale now! trust me, its a show you don't want to miss. can you sense my sarcasm? this girl is rediculously cute - beyond normally cute & i'm not just saying that - but she has ISSUES come 8pm )

kim: she's cute isn't she?

jenny: yes

kim: its the only thing keeping her alive

more to follow

we made it

after over 8 hours driving we made it in one piece. almost. i think my sister bex was trailing little pieces of sanity behind us & there is no blaming her.

she was an angel this trip that saw liam (who normally sleeps 2+ hours in 1 nap a day) sleeping only 45 minutes. did you read that right?? you did! 45 minutes out of an 8 hour car trip. WTF. little trooper that he was only had a few melt-downs where he thrashed wildly & ripped at the straps on his carseat. mostly he chattered away happily, patting the dog when diesel ventured too close and enjoying "a bugs life" on my macbook. peekaboo was a big hit, as was the game "lets pitch my juice over the side where mom has no hope in hell of reaching it" and the game "this apple is fun to bite chunks out of then dribble down my face in disgust creating a massive puddle on my tshirt" .. he did not - however - enjoy the game "take a long nap so that bex and mom can get some peace and quiet"

speaking of .. thank you macbook!! that is the best invention ever made for entertaining kiddies on long car trips. thinking back to my own childhood i have no clue how my parents did it three girls crammed into the backseat of a bonneville (seriously, one summer we drove to PEI. another we drove to Washington. DROVE. with no tv. DROVE! new found respect for the parentals. big up parents!)

on this hellish journey from western to eastern ontario we saw 6 ditched cars, 1 of which was flipped over on its roof, and one really cool looking side-ways transport truck which was balancing precariously on the edge of a ravine. admist white-outs, black ice, missing our 407 cut off in toronto, getting lost trying to find the 400 and finally getting back on the 401, the most memorable part of our trip was the time i almost spun us out just outside of ottawa. do not people - do not - jerk the wheel left, right, left, right and forget to take off cruise control when you hit a slippery patch. again, i owe bex big time for talking me through that near miss (we need snow tires!!!!)

oh, and to whoever is responsible for posting road signs detailing fast food venues along the highway: the place where you said there was a timmies and a subway - you are a liar!! that was just a huge macdonalds and it was freezing and your M&M's machine ate my sisters money. you suck

happy almost christmas! ... as i suck back a glass of wine and enjoy NOT sitting in a car

oh the weather outside

is disgusting. its really, really disgusting.

there are blowing snow cones. falls of white. sleds of snow. winter storm warnings in effect & all this time, all i can think is "brantford here we come!" 

well, thats not all i'm thinking about, but its up there in my top 10

mostly i'm wondering how we're going to fit a baby, a sister, a mom, a dog, 2 suitcases, 1 stroller, 3 pillows, a crib bumper & all our christmas stuff into the car...  and we're supposed to bring this big ass wooden rocking horse back with us. yikes! 

(oh get this. apparently Nanners talked to me about getting liam some sort of wooden stool thing back in august and i agreed and somehow we need to bring that back too? note for everyone else: whatever i agreed to in august, disregard!! i had other things on my mind and was probably nodding and agreeing because i couldn't fit anything else in my brain)

right now i have my baby sleeping soundly in the next room & all i can hear are my noisy stupid neighbors being noisy and stupid. i'm going to bed before i end up going downstairs and dressing them down

ps. liam is feeling much better & didn't hear him cough once tonight. i'm still semi sick after 2 inhalers & a round of Zithromax - go team antibiotic. sis Bex is on the mend as well having finished her antibiotics

sick

i'm sick, liam is sick, my sister bex is sick, the only one not sick is dadz (knock on wood!)

updates when i can type without getting dizzy from the glare of the computer screen

what is that?

last night liam woke up at
- 12:30
- 2:20
- 4:30
- 5:30

then i got up at 6:30 for the day

& had to wake him up at 7 to get going

when i went into wake him he was snoring. full on snoring. then i noticed this massive green streak down the side of his neck. "what the...." i said as i examined it. up close it looked like tar. green tar. then i started to peel it away & it came off in a strip like a froot-loop peeling off the plastic backing.

it was dried snot.

in 24 hours

i had two huge boulders lifted off my shoulders in 24 hours

1) tracy my amazing coworker has offered to pick my sorry ass up & bring me to work all next week - bless her!!!! she's always doing wonderful things for other people (me) like loaning them (me) humidifiers & taking them (me) the drug store to buy tampons. she is santa clause for single mom's.

and... something i forgot to put in my list yesterday but was stressing me out to the max:

2) VPN is finally working on my mac thanks to my good friend Paul who installed some sort of handy dandy software on his machine & remote accessed my machine to tinker away & fix the problem - thank you!!!! (this means i can work from my parents dial-up over the holidays ... no seriously, thank you ;)

then i got some great news! today we had our monthly breakfast (mmm bacon) meeting & *insert drum roll here* guess who was named employee of the month for November? guess.... no, take a guess. did you guess yet? did you guess you? wrong... its me! i get a $50 gift certificate & lunch with my manager (& before you go thinking i got the short stick, think again. my manager is amazing, we've worked side-by-side for almost 4 years & we're so close i call her my "office wife". lunch with her will be a blast & i'm not just saying that because she reads my blog. i actually mean it. hi wifey! heart you!)

but seriously its really nice to be recognized for hard work. november was a killer month. i worked non-stop & 3 out of 4 weekends straight - it doesn't hurt that the whole time all i was thinking was "commission, commission, commission" but still... it was very difficult being a mom/dog walker/sister/ex wife/daughter/friend & pulling off the kind of work i did while trying to put my new apartment together & freelance write for extra money on the side. getting this award now - when i was feeling so down - has done a lot to bolster my spirits & reconfirm my loyalty to a company that i already feel hung the moon.

updates

its easier to just roll it into one list as inspired by She Just Walks Around With It

- life has been sucking pretty hardcore
- Liam has been sick on & off forever. literally forever. every time he gets better he turns around & gets sick again within a week (less than a week actually)
- car which is sometimes mine & sometimes not mine is not mine next week during the OC Transpo bus strike in Ottawa & i can't seem to find a ride-share no matter how many sites i join (this is causing me A LOT of personal stress! not only because i am scared to get into cars with strangers but also because i'm having to give out my address on these ride boards & that feels wrong. so wrong & i am worried about not being at work & i can't afford to take a cab)
- currently we have 6 proposals due at work & 2 of them are +15 people & we are short staffed & did i mention i have no way to get to the office next week? YEAH; stressy mc'stresserson
- my loser lame neighbors won't stop smoking "the not-so-sweet-mary-jane" no matter how many times i get the landlord involved & i am going to have to call the cops on their loser assess soon because i can't stand it anymore & then they are going to continue to give me "pay back" by playing loud bass music at midnight, stomping on the stairs, howelling like possessed demons & shovelling snow onto mine & my friend's cars (yep, right up to the window drivers side - hello harassment charges!)
- there are a billion zillion holiday parties that make me depressed because christmas used to be my favorite season but now i feel like a big loser loner with no one to stuff turkey with (that's what she said)
- it dumped snow on us this week like nobody's business & for the first time in years i had to SHOVEL it (i used to have a lovely condo company that would pay people to do this for me); what i thought would be "oh, i'll just get up 10 minutes early & take care of this problem" turned into "an hour, plus jobbie, which found me crying in the driveway while snot ran down my face & i threw my shoulder out because i wasn't shovelling properly & was/am completely unprepared for a) how heavy snow is, b) how LONG it takes to shovel an entire driveway, and c) the fact that wearing my work clothes while shoveling would result in me stinking to high heaven all day"
- this is my life people! are you jealous? you should be. its awesome :P

i dare you to watch this & not cry

congratulations to my september mommy Jule & her new Fiance Tim :) :)



i totally cried my eyes out. friend, you are so loved.

hello learning tower

Colleen said...

a couple of the girls from SM bought the Learning Tower which is the same as the Funpod and here is a link of a place that will ship to Canada. Click on shipping at the top of the page that will give you instructions
http://www.organicgiftshop.com/catalog/html/the-learning-tower-p-224.html

my september mommy Colleen was right!! using her link i found an email to a nice guy named Joe, who pointed me to another link with distributors in Canada. i called a store in Ottawa that sells these, they have one left in ebony and have put it on hold for us until the end of the weekend. thanks for giving us a Merry Christmas with your super good ideas :) XOXOXOXO all over your face

an open letter 2

dear Mr. you know exactly who are you are,
there are going to be times in your life when life sucks
its the same for everyone, what makes you think you're different?
unique?
why do you think it is okay to throw things. to hurt people. to cast them out like so much garbage, lost, alone, crying in the street
is this what you like doing to people who used to love you?
see this? this is what you did to her
you like to mess people up?
think it makes you a tough guy?
think that makes you someone other people are afraid to mess with?
think again
show your face in Ottawa, i triple dog dare you
mess with my family and you mess with me
end

night terrors

recently i started watching season 1 of dexter - you know, the show about the serial killer who kills serial killers? i'd heard about it for years and have a few good friends who recommended the show to me but for the longest time i put it off. see, i have this issue with being scared. the issue is: i don't like it. even though everyone told me that its not scary in the traditional way that some movies or tv shows are scary, i still just *knew* deep inside myself that a show about serial killers would freak me out.

enter the separation, my new apartment, living alone, being bored, having watched everything i downloaded and not wanting to get started on another boring show about aging 50+ women running around new york mating with infants and i find - strategically placed on my desk - the CD of dexter dadz burned for me.

so i pop it in.

and am immediately hooked. i mean, look at that face, the symmetry, the brown/green eyes.. the stubble... the messy slightly bed-head hair...

all week, every night, i've been watching 1 or 2 episodes - after dishes are done and the floor is swept and the dog has done his business. all week, every night, i've enjoyed it. the plot, the characters, the story line has been - truly - engaging. not disturbing, not gross, not sick, not terrible or terrifying or upsetting; but entertaining. so i keep watching and getting more hooked.

last night i tucked Liam in and he cuddled his lovie and went to sleep. again, i did the dishes, swept, played with the dog and then popped in dexter season 1 episode 9.

the bloody hotel room episode. the flash back episode. the child screaming at the top of his lungs in a pool of blood episode.

now, its no secret to anyone that knows me that i have an overactive imagination. overactive is an understatement - my imagination is like a run away train. its also no secret to anyone that's spent a significant amount of time with me that i am a very troubled sleeper; that events throughout the day and especially events at night (right before bed) will dramatically impact the quality and quantity of my sleep. for example: if i am upset or get into a fight with someone i care about right before sleeping, i will have nightmares about that person. if i watch a movie that scares me, i will have nightmares with themes from the movie. if i read a book thats even mildly scary, i will have nightmares. its my curse.

one of the best parts of being a mom is being able to effectively comfort my child. what does this have to do with anything? i'm getting to that. when he cries in the middle of the night, i know how to rub his back 'just so' until he calms down. i know the right songs to sing. i know how to hold him 'just right' so that he snuggles his head into my shoulder and wetly kisses my cheek and pats my hair. comfort, to a child, i a wonderful thing.

comfort, to an adult, is sorely missed when its no longer available. as i lay in my bed last night, covers drawn up under my chin, legs huddled in the fetal position, staring with wide focused eyes into the dark recesses of my closet (whose doors won't shut because they're draped with pants), i finally had my "oh no" moment. the first moment since moving into my apartment where i truly felt afraid; when i wondered if my deadbolt lock would do the job should a serial killer pick my house of all houses; when i wondered how i would protect my son if someone decided to crawl in through my window and murder me in my sleep; when i wondered what if i died in my sleep and liam wasn't here and no one found me for days because no one thought to check on me. that got me thinking, what if i choked while i was alone? what if i had a heartattack? my dog - bless him - isn't smart enough to know how to dial 911, nor could he, since i have an iPhone and he would need fingers to touch the screen...

it was then, while lying in my bed in the middle of the night scared out of my wits that i realized - really KNEW for the first time - i am alone in ottawa. alone and perfect prey for serial killers.

how i got to sleep is a mystery. i took two of my herbal sleeping pills instead of one. i hugged my cuddle toy Mr.Mouse very tight and i did what my mom always taught me to do when i am afraid: i recited the lord's prayer over and over and over. when i awoke this morning it was only to the sound of my alarm going off, nothing more. strangely, no nightmares last night; but i did find myself peeking around the shower curtain at odd intervals this morning to make sure no one snuck into the bathroom with me ... ready on the other side of the curtain... with a big knife...

frustrating!

i can't seem to find the Little Helper Fun Pod anywhere in Canada and referring to their website, they don't have any Canadian retailers. i've emailed the company asking them how much shipping to Canada would cost but i'm betting its "an arm and a leg ... oh and your first born" which obviously i can't afford. i am desperate to get this for liam - does anyone have an idea?? i know its expensive, but the longevity/usability/sustainability of the product is worth it...