One of the saddest months of my life. This is the first month where I will really see and feel the fall-out associated with the separation agreement. Normally we have a rotating 50/50 split, where Liam stays with each of his parents for one week, switching to the other household on Friday's after daycare. I'll be the first to admit that most weeks come Thursday, Liam is running around my house yelling "Dada! Dada!" He misses his Dad. End of story. So far, this agreement has been working okayish.Within this agreement are Holiday Stipulations wherein our son spends every other major holiday weekend with each parent, switching holidays with years. Most holiday weekends make up 4 days in the Separation Agreement (Friday to Monday). This means, that some months, the parent who does not have Liam for the holiday will essentially spend less than one week with our son during the 3 week period surrounding that event. Confused? Me too!
This year, for Easter, Liam is spending the holiday with my ex. Liam is currently with his dad for 'his week' and would come to me again on Friday; however, this Friday he stays with his dad because its Easter weekend. Meaning that out of 'my week' with my son I will actually only see him Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night following Easter weekend. Then Liam will go back to my ex for 'his week' that Friday. Between the 3rd of April and the 24 of the April I will see my son a total of 5 days.
5 stinking days. Its the luck of the draw and come May the situation will be reversed and I will have my son for almost 3 weeks straight. But 5 days? It hurts.
I know I agreed to this - so did my ex, but part of me can't help feeling like Liam is paying for our mistakes. Maybe my bond with my son is too strong, maybe my mothering instinct is too much, maybe I need to let go a little. How does a mother of a toddler make it 3 weeks only seeing her son 5 days? I know I have to find a way to be strong and do it, but I can't help it, I miss my little boy.
This year, for Easter, Liam is spending the holiday with my ex. Liam is currently with his dad for 'his week' and would come to me again on Friday; however, this Friday he stays with his dad because its Easter weekend. Meaning that out of 'my week' with my son I will actually only see him Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night following Easter weekend. Then Liam will go back to my ex for 'his week' that Friday. Between the 3rd of April and the 24 of the April I will see my son a total of 5 days.
5 stinking days. Its the luck of the draw and come May the situation will be reversed and I will have my son for almost 3 weeks straight. But 5 days? It hurts.
I know I agreed to this - so did my ex, but part of me can't help feeling like Liam is paying for our mistakes. Maybe my bond with my son is too strong, maybe my mothering instinct is too much, maybe I need to let go a little. How does a mother of a toddler make it 3 weeks only seeing her son 5 days? I know I have to find a way to be strong and do it, but I can't help it, I miss my little boy.
13 fabulous comments, click to add yours!:
I don't think there is such thing as having too strong of a bond with your child. I would go crazy if I didn't see Laney. Hell, I start going a little crazy after being at work 8 hours and not seeing her.
I think it's our nature.
I'm sorry that you have to be away from him so much this month :(
Maybe just keep in mind that at least Liam's also happy when he's with his dad. That should help ease the pain of being without him?
im sorry
thanks you two. i keep thinking being away from him will get easier with time (the agreement) but it doesn't. i worry about him constantly.
I know girl...I am pacing the house by day 3 of being without the kids. That would be just awful...I guess I'm "lucky" that my ex could give a shit about keeping them that long. Can you visit him at daycare or would that make it worse for him/you?
It's tough but at least you two have come to an agrrement and aren't fighting over him. That would be really bad for Liam.
Hang in there! Next month is your turn!
Difficult stuff. I can't imagine. Take care of yourself. Keep busy. Before you know it, Liam will be back. I know, just words. All in all, it just sucks.
Divorce with kids just plain sucks. I see my hubby in pain everytime his daughter goes home to her mother's. Don't even get me started on how hard it is to calm our daughter's down when their sister leaves. Heartbreaking... We have far less time with her on the EOW schedule. We see her 4 days a month.
I will say, though, that my hubby and step-daughter have always had a STRONG bond. They don't miss a beat with one another. It will never be broken. She is also a kid that goes will with the flow of things. I think it has a lot to do with the change of households. She has to conform to different expectations. I think this will really help her in life because she can adapt to change well. So, it isn't all bad...just different.
(((((HUGS)))))
no, its not all bad, you're right about that sherri & merry i am really lucky that liam's dad is (for the most part) wanting to be with his son as much as his son wants to be with him. lolly if we were fighting over him it would be unbearable - there is no way liam could handle that. mary we are keeping busy for sure, we're going away for this weekend! just wish i was bringing him with us.
yeah for the most part!! grow up!
don't like what i write on my blog? take a leaf out of my book and stop reading it.
i haven't said anything defamatory or untrue or libelous and i also haven't said 99% of what i'd really like to say.
I cant even imagine how you go a full week without seeing him. I couldnt do it. My son lives with me, and sees his father every other weekend. Now that he is older, I let him choose with whom he'd like to spend his holidays.
I always worried that our mistakes were harming him. What if I could have kept the marriage together? Would he have been better off? Should I have just faked it? Is he going to hate me when he is older? All those things are normal. I think every parent feels them at some point or another.
As long as Liam knows that his mommy and daddy love him with all their hearts, he will be just fine. You're doing a great job!
I'm sorry....I can't imagine not being with my boy...I don't think you're feeling anthing that a healthy loving mother wouldn't feel....hugs your way.
sarah you're right, he is so much better off this way. i didn't love his dad anymore, not after CHEO and i couldn't pretend or i'd die a little more inside every day. liam is just such a happy baby that he has no clue how hard things are with his dad & me. i am happy for that. his ignorance is my bliss
i love you lulu love you
Im sorry to hear about this..theres alot of pain your feeling, also loss..I think its terrible that the courts would allow a young child to be tossed back and forth like a tennis ball..I believe children should be with their mother. The weekends, for the father, and holidays should be agreed upon or to be shared...this is how it was for me..I hope your son doesnt feel unstable because of the aggreement..separation is a very hard thing where children are involved...good luck and my prays are with you
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